Too often I wake up with expectations for the day.  Typically, I expect the day to not go well.  (Mon-Fri at least) I have been praying about that lately.  I feel like, if I wake up thinking about how awful my day is going to be, that sets me up to have an awful day.  It’s hard for me to wake up and thank God.  I mean.  Normally by the time I’m brushing my teeth, I am at least trying to thank God. (My teeth are a constant reminder how good God is, because of my meth addiction, and the fact I still have them is a miracle)

I wonder what it takes to open eyes, and just praise.  It doesn’t seem to difficult.  I mean, I can choose what song I wake up to from my iPod.  Why not tune it to a worship song instead of something else?  I used to do that… for like.. three days.

I am starting to believe a good day is just as possible as a bad day, and we determine that. (aside from catastrophes) Maybe tomorrow Monday I’ll wake up to some Chris Tomlin, unless someone has a great song they like to wake up to.  maybe that day will go better.  Maybe I have been creating my own bad days?  I think so.  For the most part anyway.

Enough of this “Today is gonna suck, I have too much to do, I work too much” yadda yadda pity me crap.  Instead, I want it to be, “Holy cow.  I woke up again.  Thank God.  The fact that I have more than one job in this economy is a blessing, and I am going to go and be grateful for this day.  Thank you God for giving me another chance today to worship you!”

Maybe it won’t sound exactly like that, but you know.  I can try.  Heck, who knows.  I might even have better days because of it.

God.  Help me remember You.  I can be so self absorbed.  I can be so pitiful.  Please help me to remember each day does not have to come.  Help me make the most out of what I have, and give praise to you in ALL that I do.  Not just somethings.  God, I love You.  You are amazing.  Thank you for loving me.

-Amen

The last three days have been mentally and physically exhausting.  Sunday night, Andrea’s grandfather went into cardiac arrest, by the time the paramedics arrived, and were able to revive him, he had been without oxygen to his brain for 10-12 minutes.

Monday, and Most of Tuesday were exhausting filled with friends, family, prayer and tears.  Around 5:20 we were all told that there was no brain activity, and there was nothing else they could do.  So again, friends and family gathered for one last goodbye.  As they pulled out the respirator, we all gathered in the room to sing Amazing Grace with Roland.  I can’t even try to type this, and my roommate, one of my mentors, and a close friend, George Lockhart has already written it so boldly.  I will just paste his encounter below.

What happened is that the last song the group was singing was Amazing Grace and during the song, they pulled the respirator and administered some morphine for any pain. Slowly the heart monitor beeped  and as Roland ebbed away, the beeps became slower and slower. But just before the final beep, as the group was singing the “praise God, praise God” segment of the song, with no brain activity for 2 days, Roland lifted his hand to join in praise of God. Moving his hand from where it lie, he raised his hand! With all the saints passed and present, he praised God. I can hear Roland say it once last time:”Amen”!

Now.  If you have never met Roland, you might not understand that.  Roland was more than just Andrea’s Grandfather.  He was my next door neighbor, my landlord, the man that shouted “Amen!” in church, and the man that stood at the door, and greeted every single person that walked threw those doors.

He was the man who told me to turn the music down, and the man who told me I needed to get the grass cut, and the man that told me, “Boy, you sure are ugly, but I’ll learn to love ya.”  Those words, resonate inside of me. He was also the man who handed me money every time I did something for him, even though I didn’t want to take it.  He was the man who would go out of his way to help but somehow, never seemed to boast about it, or even acknowledge that he had helped.  He was a man with a HUGE heart.  He was a great example of Christ. (as long as I’ve known him)

My heart hurts for the Andrea and her family.  Knowing Roland is in a perfect place, and left on such a great note helps, but the hurt is still real.  We all love Roland, and he will be missed.

To wish condolences, or to view Andrea’s account on this, you can checkout her site over at www.shalomexistence.com

In Loving Memory of Roland Underwood.
Rest in Peace.

I inherited a lot of questionable genes and features from my mother.  If you don’t believe me take a long look at my nose.  Seriously.

One thing I am greatful for is through everything, her ability to raise me with a deep love for music.  Some of my favorite memories with her are driving in the car and singing at the top of our lungs.  My favorite is probably when we pulled over on the corner of Killian Hill and Five Forks, because “Groovy Kind of Love” came on the radio, and she needed to dance with me. (I was young, I didn’t understand the lyrics)  It’s amazing, through all of the roughness of our relationship we always had music.  And her taste was pretty awesome. (Until the Clay Aiken phenomenon)

I don’t know what I would do without music.  The good, the bad, all of it.  It really brings joy to my soul.  Last night, I was able to go with my fiance, Andrea, and see Jack Johnson.  One of my favorite musicians, and it was amazing!  There is just something about listening to good live music with the person you love, that makes all of lifes worries and stresses seem worth while.

That brings me to worship.  Because of my love for music, I learned a lot about A/V stuff.  Which is what probably made me a good candidate for the voluteer leader for our A/V team at my church.  I love it.  I absolutely love it, but sometimes, I find myself so caught up in the technical side, I find it hard to raise my hands and worship.  That, to me, is sad.  So when churches say they are going to do a “Night of Worship”, I jump all over it.  Especially if I am not asked to work the booth!

To me, worship should be all of the time.  I try to live worship.  But it is hard.  WIth work, and stress, and pains, and hurts in life, It is hard to set aside a time to just worship.  It is much easier to lose touch than I had ever thought.  I also believe there is nothing more beautiful then an entire room of people, joined in spirit, soul, and location to worship. When you add people watching from ALL OVER this World…… wow….It’s a wonderful thing.

So tonight, I will be with my fiance,  Phone off, Hands up, Heart open.

God, today, more than ever, I want You to move in me.  I ask You touch my soul and give me the refill I am so thirsty for.  Not just me, Lord, but everyone around the world who are thirsty like me.  Even the people who don’t know it, God, Just touch each and every one of us.

We are all hurting, in this world, that’s the easiest thing to do, remind us that through you ALL things are possible, and that we live, in everything we do, to bring You glory.  This is my prayer for everyone Lord.  I love You so much, and I want to show it with my strengths, weaknesses and shortcomings.  Let me be a vessel for you God.

Amen.