God,

Thank You for waking me up.  I love everything You do for us.  I love You Lord.  Today I pray for patience.  Not just for me, but for the world.  I know times are tough, and I pray that today, You can just give us light hearts and help us take today in stride.  Lord, I pray for my temper.  I pray that you can help me overcome the small things that set me off.

God, I’m not a whole lot without You.  I know sometimes I try to play you up, or leave you out, but Lord, I pray that today, I can’t do that.  I pray that today I am reminded that I need You to breathe.  I pray that I am reminded that I need you keep my job.  I pray I am reminded that I need you to keep my anything.   Lord thank You for everything you’ve carried me through.  Thank you for loving me when I couldn’t love myself.  Thank You for seeking me out.  Thank you for accepting me.

Lord, please just look over my family, my wife and my child.  God, please just show them love.  Show them you’re here.  And protect them from the craziness of this world.  Your love is unexplainable, and more than enough for me!  I love you God..

Before I start first let me point you to 1 Samuel 16:7

“The Lord does not look at the things human beings look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the Heart.”

Here we are back at the heart. Probably the first thing people forget about. It’s sad really, now with our culture, or “pop-culture” people are more concerned about their image.

Everyone wants to make an image for themselves. Some people want to be the emo, some the goth, some the football star, the debater, the theif or even the person who didn’t care what anyone thought of them (but really cared more). I was the same way. I wanted to be the grunge kid. I couldn’t just take on the look, I had to take the attitude, and the actions with it. I don’t miss those days. I wish I could accurately relay the feelings I had, the cutting, the crying at night, but then going to school, and making everyone laugh. It was tough. Life was tough. Why do kids do it to themselves?

You do not have to have an image. You do not have to wear name brands, or shirts that imply you drink or smoke pot to be cool! You do not have to drink or smoke pot to be cool! In fact, if you drink or smoke pot, you aren’t cool. You are just beginning your path of non-success and low self-esteem. Trust me. I’ve been there.

I thought I was cool when I could out drink everyone at the party when I was 15. I thought I was cool because I moved to Atlanta and knew all of the bar owners, and I even thought I was cool because I had done more drugs than anyone I have ever met. Guess what. I wasn’t. I took a step back. I heard what people were saying about me. Turns out, I was just one of those people at the bar, that I hated when my dad would take me there as a child.

So why are we so focused on what we look like or how people portray us? And, why is it that we almost always want people to portray us the wrong way. “I want people to think I’m a junkie-alcoholic that doesn’t care about anything.” I mean, that’s what I was practically saying in high school.

What are you saying? The way you dress? The things you say? The drugs you do? The parties you go to? The people you make fun of? What are you saying about yourself? Does it make you proud? Are you happy to be the stoner, gossiper, loose girl, or untamable guy? Is that the influence you want to set for younger children who may see you? Is that what you wanted to be when you were a child? Is that how you want to be remembered? Really? Where is your self-respect?

Look in the mirror, and stare at yourself in the eyes. Can you do it? I know I never could. If you can’t, evaluate yourself. Why can’t you stand to stare yourself in the eyes. What are you ashamed of, and what can you do to fix it?

Maybe this is a little too harsh but I don’t care. You are already an image. Some people may have respected you at some point, some people may still. Don’t let them down. Don’t let yourself down. Take a step back, stop caring about your false-image and be real. Be honest. Be what makes you proud. Be yourself.

A lot has been going through my mind lately, questions about my faith, my purpose, why I do the things I do, and, why am I not good at doing certain things. I stopped for a moment today, my back turned to my girlfriend, with tears running down my face, and let it all go. I told her I feel like a waste of space, like, I’m not moving towards my purpose, if anything, I feel like I’m regressing. Here I am, 23 years old, with the entire world staring me in the face, and I’m cowering like a child in a haunted house. Feeling a little defeated, I didn’t want to talk much more, so I did my normal quiet routine, not expecting a response. I didn’t feel there was much to say that hadn’t already been said.

“Everything you’re doing is moving towards your purpose. Reading the Bible, and building your relationship with Jesus.”

That’s all she said. That’s all she had to say. I realized today, a relationship with God isn’t a twelve step program. It’s not something where I can just show up once a week and praise, or read the bible occasionally, and BOOM! it will happen. I have to make my life his. Surrender, so to speak, my life to Christ Jesus. In theory, I thought I had. (Being saved) But, I haven’t even began. I realized, the answer I’ve been looking for, a way out of this self-doubt, to fend of the tricks Satan is playing on me, is right here.

When this world starts getting me down, don’t cower, don’t ignore my problems. Ask the Lord. Someone told me, it’s easy to ask God for what you want, but nearly impossible to ask him for what you need. I never really took that in, until just now. My stubbornness to ask the Lord is the reason Satan is still getting the best of my mind.