11 To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: “A man had two sons. 12 The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons.

13 “A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living. 14 About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. 15 He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. 16 The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything.

17 “When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! 18 I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, 19 and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’

20 “So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. 21 His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.^[a]’

22 “But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. 23 And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, 24for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.

25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house, 26 and he asked one of the servants what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother is back,’ he was told, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf. We are celebrating because of his safe return.’

28 “The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in. His father came out and begged him, 29 but he replied, ‘All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. 30 Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!’

31 “His father said to him, ‘Look, dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours. 32 We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!’”

So, last night on the way home from church, we passed by the bar in which I used to work.  I am happy to say that this bar is now out of business.

For those of you who don’t know.  That bar was called the Blue Moose Tavern.  I literally lived at that bar for three and a half months.  That bar is where I did most of my doping, and a good bit of my drinking.  That bar was filled with deceit, hate, lies, backstabbing, and everything that was killing me.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am not blaming that place for my problems.  I am fully aware that those were my decisions.  But that bar did not help.  That bar did not make it easy. that bar had my soul for a very very long time, and most of the memories of that bar are very painful.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  That bar holds one very special memory.  That is the first time I ever laid eyes on the most beautiful girl in the world.  The angel in the room full of evil.  The shining light through the cloud of smoke.  The most talented barista in all the world. That is the first place I ever saw Andrea, (before she saw me, I’m pretty sure)  That is the place I spoke my first words to her, which were, “Hey baby, why don’t I take you outside and show you how a real man kisses.”

No. I’m not kidding.  I was a loser.

Because of that meeting, my life has changed, and I fully believe Jesus has a reason for everything.  The reason Andrea was hurting, and going to places like that for escape, may very well be to be a wounded healer for me.

Looking back, it’s almost hard to believe the person I was back then.  It’s impossible to imagine where I would be today.  I thank God for meeting Andrea, in that little piece of Hell.  I’m glad we both left that place.  God is good indeed!

With that said. Praise God!

Good riddance Blue Moose Tavern!

The emptiness. The lost feeling. That void that just needs to be filled. That’s all it will take, Just fill this void, and everything will be OK. Right? How do I fill this void? What do I do to hide from the emptiness? How do I find myself?

These are the things that kept me hiding behind a bottle, or worse, for so many years. The temporary good feeling. The feeling that I’m not alone. If I get high, people can relate to me. If I get high, I can tolerate life. When I’m drunk, I’m a better person. These are all thoughts that I had, and I was serious about. People like me when I am drunk or speeding. I like me when I am drunk or speeding.

Slowly, my perspective changed. If I don’t get high, my life is miserable. I don’t drink that beer, my problems will find me. Sure, I drink a good amount, or, I do dope, but, no one can tell. I cover it up well. It makes me act like a normal person. It makes me want to live. I can kick this whenever I want. I just don’t feel up to it today. If I quit today, I’ll never be able to talk to all those people tonight. I quit today, I’ll sleep in and miss work. If I quit today, I’d have to get rid of my stash. Just too many reasons not to quit. Not my inability. Just too inconvenient for me. If people don’t realize that then who needs them? They don’t love me anyway. They are jealous that I have life under control. They are jealous that I found the secret. I’ve mastered the art of living with problems.

Ahhh the thoughts of an addict!

I’ve been off of drugs for ten months now. I honestly believe if I had used for another day, I would be dead. I think most people who knew me then would agree. I was in bad shape. I started going to church, and in May I got saved and quit drinking. When I got saved, I realized something. “ That emptiness. he lost feeling. That void that just needs to be filled. That’s all it will take, Just fill this void, and everything will be OK. Right? How do I fill this void? What do I do to hide from the emptiness? How do I find myself?” I found the answer. Christ. One word.

It’s amazing that it took me 23 years of self torture and mutilation to realize that that emptiness can’t be filled with ounces. That lost feeling can’t be filled with grams. My problems can’t be solved with a razor blade and a straw. My salvation isn’t measured by blood alcohol level. There is only one answer, only one word, only one person, only one. Christ.

I’m fortunate to find this out at the ripe age of 23. I still have a life to live, and believe me when I say, I am going to live this life. Not for me but for Him. Through Christ anything is possible.

23 years. **sigh** I contemplate this a lot. What I have to show for my life. What I have learned in my life span? Nothing extraordinary (I don’t think) I am nothing but a worker for Christ and I am 100% happy with that. There is nothing more important I could have learned. A 23 year lesson.

23 years. ** sigh of relief** Thank God it only took me 23 years

Wikipedia says poverty is deprivation of common necessities that determine the quality of life, including food, clothing, shelter and safe drinking water, and may also include the deprivation of opportunities to learn, to obtain better employment to escape poverty, and/or to enjoy the respect of fellow citizens.

Deprivation of common necessities that determine the quality of life.  That’s kind of funny, and open to debate.  Lately I have seen homeless people around here talking on cell phones.  Does that mean they aren’t living in poverty?  I don’t know.  What I do know is the definition of poverty in America is probably a little different than most of the world.

I have been “american poor”.  I never ate dirt.  Being america poor, means bread and rice.  America poor means P.O.S car.  America poor, means hand-me-downs, and salvation army.  I went to Costa Rica.  You can find images of my trip here. From what I understand it gets worse.

What can we do to help?  I have written about it before, but I will write about it again.  Love.  If we all truly love each other, then would there be poverty?  Do I believe that?  Yes.  I believe that if true love were to take over our hearts and control our actions, then wealth would be spread.  If we would all allow the Love of Christ to shine through, there wouldn’t even be a question, the world would change dramatically.

The stock market is down?  So what?  I have food, my neighbors have food, my enemies have food. Gas prices are high?  So what?  My neighbors have a way to get from A to B, my enemies have a way to get from A to B.

You get what I’m saying?  Do something.  You don’t have to feed the world.  You don’t have to change the world.  All you have to do is change your heart.  One person could be affected by you.  One person could finally feel the Love of Christ because of you.  It is kind of our duty to do that…. right?

We are the body of Christ.  We are his hands, feet, eyes, ears, and heart.  Doesn’t always feel like it does it?

If you want to make a change check out Compassion, or check out my page to see what our community has done so far.

If compassion isn’t your bag of tea, then find something else to do.  For a list of things you can do to change the world and sperad the love, check out my Fiance’s site.  She’s got the whole shabang there.

disclaimer:  I don’t like to write about politics.  I don’t like to say who I’m voting for.  Though, I think it’s pretty obvious.  I don’t want to debate politics, I want to spread the love of Jesus.  That is what this blog is for.  But, I have to write one more thing on the politics issue.

Is the election over?  Can it be?  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I think this is a very important election.  I think everyone does.  But MAN.  Let me say the negative politics really turn me off.  I want to vote.  I vote that everyone shuts up.  I vote that for once we put aside the differences and look at the failing WORLD economy in front of us.

I don’t care who kicks babies, I don’t care who wears white shoes after labor day.  I really just don’t care.  Trust me.  People do some jacked up things in their past.  Read this blog.  It’s proof.  But what does someone’s ties with someone in the past have to do with the price of tea in China?  Oh. Nothing.  That’s right, we’re ignoring the price of tea in china, or the APR of a home mortgage in Germany.  We’re focusing on old s***. (this is a reference to both the Obama and McCain Camp.)

When we do turn to the economy, it’s the repubs fault, or the dems.  You want my opinion, WHO CARES.  Blame doesn’t pay the bills.  Blame doesn’t stop the unemployment rate from rising.  I don’t think “Joe Sixpack” is really going to care when he’s sitting on a corner begging for a quarter to feed his family.  I don’t think it’s going to matter who did or did not support a bill, or who did or did not hang out with someone who is a convicted felon (or an acquitted terrorist). What is going to matter is the fact that people are hurting, the world is hurting, and all we can care about is winning.

Mr. Obama, Mr. McCain,

Stop the negative campaigning. Please.  I am getting sick.  I want to hear your plans.  I want to hear your goals.  I want to hear your passions.  I want to see this World, (not just America) thrive.  You guys shake hands at a debate and then throw razors at each other from all angles during the week.  BLAH!  I believe this is the most negative campaign in the history of the “Land of the Free.”

Why don’t you use your freedom of speech for something positive.  Use your Bill of Rights to be a positive influence and to be someone the people of this nation can look up to.  Right now, regardless of who I am voting for, I’m not impressed.  I’m saddened to see two (grown) men, trying to win so desperately, they are forgetting their values and morale.  Heck. Forgetting the values and morale of this entire country.  You’re our leaders.  Prove it.