Five years ago, my sister died in a crazy freak car accident.  Five years ago, my best friend overdosed at my house, on my couch.  Five years ago, I had just gotten out of Fulton County Jail, or Rice Street, not the nicest place in the world.  Three years ago my mother died.  This whole time I was fighting off addictions, jobs, bills, evictions, and everything in between.

Tonight, I stood in the kitchen of my apartment. (And andrea’s but for the impact of this blog, I’m calling it mine.)  We had her mother over for dinner.  It hit me.  God has rocked my world.  When I was in Rice Street, I toyed with the idea of becoming a Christian, but once I was free I was quick to stop asking God to move my heart.  I think it was too late.  The seed had been planted.

I have an apartment in my name.  I have a job that isn’t half bad. (Most of the time.)  I have a job that isn’t pouring drinks for alcoholics while their lives crumble around them. I have a beautiful, strong willed, huge hearted fiance, I DO NOT have a drug habit.  I have credit that is close to repaired, and creditors haven’t called me in quite some time.  I have a great life.  I don’t think I have ever said that with 100% conviction.

Can I just say:

God.  I LOVE YOU! You took me and shook me up.  You watched while I nearly destroyed my life, and when I was on my last string, (Or past my last string 4 times) You picked me up just enough for me to learn how to fly on my own.  God.  You have used every resource possible to teach me, and build me up.  You watched, I can only imagine in pain and sorrow, as I used every resouce I had to forget, and tear myself down.  You watched my heart stop, on 4 different occasions, and gave me another chance time and time again.  God.  You rock.  You more than rock.  You ARE my Rock!  WIthout You, I am only a screw up, with You, well. I’m still a screw up, but there is something more.  Something that keeps me going.  Something inside of me, that makes me stop a second sooner than I used to.  That 1 second is the difference.

Jesus God.  Wow.  I am awe struck by You.  I don’t know how to say it… or if it means much but, Thank You for loving me.  Thank You for teaching me, in all of my imperfections.  Thank You for being steadfast.  I LOVE YOU GOD!

AMEN

Everything seems to be going well. I don’t have a lot to complain about. My relationship with Jesus is growing by the day. My baptism is in one week. The list goes on. Yet, I still feel like Mario. Let me explain

The first video game Mario appeared in was Donkey Kong. The idea of the game, was to climb ladders, and incline planes, to eventually rescue to princess. The obstacles included, rolling barrels to dodge, the farther up you get, the faster and closer together the barrels seem to roll. About a quarter of the way up, you can grab a hammer, smashing anything in your way, making you virtually unstoppable.

I have a confession, I don’t believe I have ever beaten the first level of that game. Probably, the only game that I can say that about. So, I have no clue what comes next. If anything.

That’s how I feel now. See, starting off it was easy. Just started going to church, and enjoying myself learning. And then I grabbed the first ladder, I was saved. It got a little more difficult after that, a few more barrels to jump, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Just when it started to get a little more difficult, I jumped up and grabbed that hammer. Nothing, and I mean nothing could stop me. I felt invincible.

To climb the next ladder, you have to put down the hammer. (which I think could be translated metaphorically about a hundred different ways the beginning of someone’s Christian faith.) Jumping more barrels, or questions, and getting them answered, I am approaching another ladder, this ladder, I suppose is my baptism. In the world of Donkey Kong, I think this is about as far as I have ever gotten, on the plane with Donkey Kong, but never rescued the princess, and it’s because of nervousness.

Now, if you’ve ever played any video game at all, you know, when you are almost done with a level, or about to score that touchdown with three seconds less, or fighting the final boss, you know the feeling I’m about to describe. The controller is sweaty, your heartbeat is rising rapidly, and for some reason, you seem more prone to mistakes.

I know, in my heart, that I am going to make it past the baptism, and further my relationship with Jesus. But, in Donkey Kong, I don’t know what’s next, nor do I in faith. It’s scary, my palms are sweaty, my heartbeat is rising rapidly. What if I am more prone to mistakes?

I guess that’s as far as the Donkey Kong metaphor can take me. And the questions in my heart never seize. A struggle that you don’t know any answers to, is probably the most difficult to overcome. I know I will overcome this fear, or, uneasiness.

I just wish I knew what the next level was.

Is that for me to decide? No. I’ll leave this one up to God, do what he says, and I know I’ll be fine. I bet, that’s something Mario never thought of.

Man. God is Good!

So.  I’m working on a lot of great things lately.  I feel a little overwhelmed at work, and after work, I have so much going on, that I haven’t had much time around here.

I can say, God is working in a million ways in my life alone.  I have a million things to be grateful for.  I have a million eye openers each day.  Let me tell you.  God will open your eyes.  Whew.

Anyway.  I want to sit down, read a couple of chapters from “The Book”, and write about what it speaks to me.  I also want to write in a real journal, sometimes that’s refreshing.  Of course, that will all end up here.  So don’t leave me!

I will also be going to see “Call and Response”. This movie needs viewers!  Take anyone and everyone you know.  All of the proceeds go to stop child sex slavery/trafficking.  You might not know, Atlanta is the number 1 city in America, and number 13 in the World, for Child sex slavery.  **Barf!**  We need to bring awareness, prayer, and support to causes like this.

Until then, be in prayer for prayer requests on this blog, and all around the world.  We need to let our light shine now more than ever!  Don’t just sit there.  Do Something.

So.  It’s Tuesday again.  Every week me, and a group of bloggers choose a child who has been waiting for over six months to be sponsored. (check the bottom of the page for links.  With the global economy, it’s more important than ever that these kids get a sponsor.

Today I chose Arm.  He is not in school.  For just 35 bucks a month, he can be.  Your 35 dollars could make all of the difference.  Your sponsorship can give him hope that people do care.  You can change one kids mind about people. To sponsor Arm, click here. To Sponsor any child waiting over six months, click here!

Name:         Arm Jay Doydora (PH9560188)
Birthday:     May 18, 2004    Age: 4
Gender:       Male
Region:       Asia
Country:      Philippines
Program:      Heavenly Touch Family Development Project

Personal and Family Information:
Arm lives with his father and his mother. At home, duties include caring for children, caring for animals and running errands. His father is sometimes employed as a farmer and his mother maintains the home. There are 2 children in the family.

Arm is not presently attending school. Playing with cars, playing with marbles and art are his favorite activities. He also attends church activities regularly.

Because of your sponsorship, Arm will have new opportunities to learn and grow physically, mentally, and spiritually. Thank you for your concern and prayers.

Pray this prayer with me.

God, Give us the courage to take this financial leap.  Remind us that what we do to the least of these, we do to you.  Lord, we need your guidance, in an economy today that is falling faster than ever, we need your help in every dollar we spend, ever decision we make, and every breath we take.  Today God.  I want to give it all to you.  God, take it, and do what you will.  Help us be wiser beyond our years, and help us have the Compassion you put us here to have.

Amen!

Here are links for other days of the week.

• Toby Keathley – Monday
• Andy McMahon | Crucial Encounter (Me) – Tuesday
• caffeinatedfaith – Wednesday
• shawnw.org – Thursday
• Andrea | Shalom  Existence – Fri

I also want to add.  Adam Black.  Adam sponsored yesterday, and felt his heart move.  He has decided to also do Mondays.  This is a great thing to do on your blog.  If you want to add a day to your blog, please just leave a comment, and I will let you know where to get started!

Thanks guys!

It’s Thursday.  It’s September 25th.  It’s the day after my (step) father’s birthday.  I received a text yesterday at 1:33 pm, that said, “Reminder, Dad’s Birthday, September 24th.”

So.  in honor of my step-dad, but REAL father, Jerry T. Dennis, here are some stories I remember about him, and a little bit of his history.

If you don’t know my dad, I compare him to SuperMan, and RoboCop.  He seriously will live through just about anything.  My dad is in a wheelchair from a car accident he had, as a result of heart attack while driving.  (They said it’s a wonder he lived.)  As a result of that accident, they had to rebuild the left side of his body.  His insurance didn’t cover it, so, he didn’t get his hip, or the metal things he needs in his leg.  About a year ago, he suffered a stroke, thus, losing most of the right side of his body.  The doctors said he would completely recover, but from his lack of motivation and depression, he did not do the excercises.  He used to tell me, “I buried my wife, and a daughter, I am alone and I’m old, I am a recovered alchoholic and drug addict,I will eat what I want and do what I want.”  My dad is stubborn as a mule. (He’s from Texas.) My dad also has small fits of dementia, probably brought on from diabetes, which can make life with him interesting. He also suffers from Hepatitis C.

My dad is funny in the fact that, with all of that going on, he knows his kids so well.  I called him yesterday to explain that I honestly thought his birthday was the 26th. To which he replied, “I know, you think that every year.”  Wow.  It’s amazing that my father is able to do that.

He is also the man who sat me down a year ago, when I started drinking again and Andrea left me and said, “Son, I don’t interfare with your life, and I let you make your own stupid decisions.  But, Andrea is the one for you.  I don’t know what you’ve done to screw this up, but I am sure you did something.  If you have any brains in you, you will straighten out and get that girl back.”

Before that, my father never once told me what he thought about any of my girlfriends.  He never once said anything about my decisions.  He simply told me he loved me regardless, and would support any decision I made.

I am starting to think my dad has always known whats best for me.  He has always known what I need to do to grow up.  My dad is…. My dad is…. I don’t have words.

When I was 10 years old, my mom got sick of my dad’s drunken stupers.  She told him if he did not quit drinking she was taking the kids and leaving.  That was a Saturday night.  The next day I woke up and my dad was gone.  We were certain that he had left us.  about 2:30 in the afternoon, my dad showed up with more life than ever.  He had all sorts of goodies he had gotten from a church.  He told us that he had quit drinking and accepted Jesus Christ into his life.  My dad has not had a drop of alcohol since. (15 years)  Looking back, that was probably my first experience with the Holy Ghost. If I only knew then.

One day, my mother and I got into a HUGE fight.  My dad grabbed me, took me to his jeep and started driving.  (Like he always did to break the tension.) In the middle of one of his long LOOOONG lectures, I inturrupted and said, “Dad, you’re an idiot.  Mom is cheating on you! She has been for a long time!  Why don’t you just leave.  She is using you! She doesn’t Love you!”

That’s when he looked at me and said something I will NEVER forget.

“Son” He always made sure I knew he considered me a son. “Son, The day I married your mother, I promised you, Adrienne, and God that I would never leave your side, I would never let you down, I would always be here for you.  I am not going to break that promise.  I love you son, that is why I am still here.”

wow.

My dad, now is weak.  My dad now needs someone to help him.  In all honesty I get annoyed.  When he calls I dread it.  I love hearing his voice, but I still kind of dread his long stories.  As he grows older, he makes a little less sense.  I can’t wait to hear the end of the conversation when he says, “I love you son.” Still reminding me that my father didn’t abandon me, just a guy with some sperm and a temper.

His ability to forgive and love unconditionally is a true example of Christ’s love.  And I guess my relationship with him sums up my relationship with God sometimes.  He is strong, has always known what’s best for me, and has always always loved me, unconditionally.  A lot of his suffering was so I didn’t have to. I dread to hear what God has to say, because I might not like it.  But I long for the end of the conversation when he says, “I love you son.”