4 weeks ago, I almost wrote a post about our Father’s love.  I was gonna write about how I know I could never wrap my head around His love, but how I thought I pretty much got the idea.

I’m not going to write that now.  When I saw Gemma for the first time… I can’t even describe the feeling.  Still, to this day, every time I look at Gemma, my eyes swell up, and I can’t believe how much I love that little girl.  It’s the most surreal feeling I’ve ever felt in my entire life!

Two days after Gemma was born, a doctor came in and asked us if they could give her a lumbar puncture to test for meningitis.  That hurt like I can’t even describe.  Parents out there, I am sure understand the feeling.  I got to thinking about it, and I realized…. God gave His only son for us.  Not to get a lumbar puncture, but to be beaten, spit on, stabbed, and then nailed to a cross!!!

I can honestly say, I don’t think I could do that.  Heck, I could hardly approve a lumbar puncture, which would make sure she was healthy!

I’m writing this to say… I was wrong.  I cannot, and will never be able to understand God’s love.  There was a minute where I thought I may be able to wrap my head around it.  I can’t.  What an amazing week!  What an amazing God!

I read that.  I thought about it.  I twittered it.  It hit me hard.

Everyone is searching.  Everyone has a reason to pray. The world is hard for everyone.  It’s rough.  We have issues.  We ALL have issues.

What is so beautiful about this post is this guy (or girl) seems to get something from prayer.  They seem to realize that there is a calming factor from prayer.

that’s huge.  is that God? showing love to an athiest?  Yes. I think it is.  It’s great.  It goes to show, God is working.  On everyone.

That made my day,  thought it might make yours too.

Enjoy.

I haven’t written a lot lately.

I read Ragamuffin Gospel and it jacked me up.  God has entered my life full time, and it’s really jacking me up.

I am struggling through a lot of things, that I am trying really hard to deal with.  I’ve become my mother in a lot of ways, and it bothers me.

I try so hard to not let my anger show, or worse, say things I will regret, but I do.

I’m praying God will move me through these times.  I’m praying God will soften my heart, and help me be the man I want to be.

Thank you to who ever still stops by.  I will start writing again soon.  Once I work all this stuff out, there will be some real, authentic, and probably uncomfortable writing going on here.

Thanks for your prayers.

Praise God today.

Do it how ever you know how,

but please,

sit down,

and take a second to praise God.

What an awesome God!  Right?

I keep hearing people say stuff about the economy, followed by something like, “God is too faithful.” or “God will see us through this.”  Which, don’t get me wrong, I fully believe.  Sometimes I wonder though, will he REALLY get us through this.

A lot of us, myself included, love to live for ourselves.  We love to have money to go see that movie, or buy some online service, or to pay for this or that.  I always wonder when I am missing out on something because of this economy, if God will really give that back to me or is God just getting me back down to where I need to be.  I’ll be honest, the economy sucks.  It really does.  But, I haven’t gone one day without food.  I do think twice before turning up the heat.  I do think twice before doing things I used to do.  I wonder if God has ever stopped being faithful.

I have a place to live.  I have a job.  I eat (within reason) when I want to eat.  I sleep in a climate controlled room in a bed, next to my wife.  Sometimes I have a hard time going to sleep because I have too many programs on my (free) TiVo.  I’m not bragging.  I understand that I am blessed.  But I wonder, in these hard times.. are we focusing on the right thing.  Saying, “God will be faithful” or “God will restore us.” Praying for an extra 10k a year, when maybe he’s trying to get us to realize something.

There are people in this world who don’t see the kind of money I see in a month.  There are people in this world who would laugh in my face when I say things like, “I just couldn’t sleep last night, it was TOO HOT.”  (In the middle of January)  There are people on this Earth who sing every day that God is faithful because they got a cup of water and some bread.  How selfish can we be to say, “this will all be over soon.” pretty much saying, “God will get us back to our selfish ways soon.”

Maybe he won’t.  Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up without a job.  Maybe in a month I won’t have a place to live.  Maybe the one thing I have to eat that day will be enough to say Holy Holy Holy is my God.  Instead of saying, “God will give us back what is ours.” I don’t believe it is ours, and I don’t believe that God has it in His mind that all of His followers are going to have Hi-Def televisions and surround sound.

I feel like as humans we have a bigger calling.  I feel like in times like this, our focus should be on other people, and helping.  I feel like our struggles should make us stronger to reach out.  I feel like times like these should be wake up calls from God.  Time to exit our comfort zone and re evaluate the way we live our lives.  I struggle with it.  I try my best, but when money is tight I feel like life might end.  It’s a sad day to realize that your livelihood is more centered around money than Jesus.  It’s a sad day that our outreach turns in to hands out.  It’s a sad day when we are waiting for God to ‘really pull us through this one’.

Sometimes I wonder if God didn’t just pull us through the toughest of times we refuse to acknowledge…. Our own selfishness.