So.

There are now, officially 8 days until I am a married man.  I have to say, I’ve been as cool as a button so far.

Two days ago it happened.  I got scared.  I didn’t just get scared either.  I still am.  I am scared to death.  Not in the way you might think.  I know I am making the right decision.  I know that Andrea is the only girl for me.  I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt.  But, I am still scared.  I think I am scared about the wedding, and the vows, and all of that.

I mean.  The wedding is a big deal.  There will be a lot of people there, and what if I say something stupid?  What if I left some fundamental part out of my vows?  What if?  What if?  I could go all day.

So.  There.  I’m scared.  No longer am I ‘cool as a button’.  I am a nervous wreck.  Which probably won’t make anything better.  If you want to pray for me.  That would be friggin sweet.

Thanks.

Psalm 19:14

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

That is something that that I haven’t focused on much lately.  It’s no secret that I have a temper.  I think we all do to an extent.  I have been fairly good at just dealing with it, and not letting my temper get the best of me.  As of late, that’s not the case.

I am not good with stress.  There was a time that I was.  Not anymore though.  Now, stressful situations, or situations I perceive as stressful, really back me into a corner.  I don’t know how to react, and in turn, I end up taking it out on the person closest to me.  It’s sickening to step back and look at.

I don’t feel like I have done too much to help get ready for this wedding.  I don’t feel like I know enough about what is going on.  I feel like I am just lazy when it comes to the stuff that is going on.  For those of you who read this blog and have never planned a wedding, let me tell you.  It’s not easy.  That is probably the root of my temper lately.  Just not knowing what is going on.  I’m not a person who deals well with not knowing, and I deal even worse with feeling completely invald in a situation.  I feel like I’m standing over a man who is choking, and I don’t know the heimlich maneuver.  You know, the panicky feeling.  Yeah.  That describes the feeling.

I let it slip my mind that even in stressful situations, my words and my heart have to be “acceptable in Thy site.”  People don’t always get the benefit to take a situation and pray about it before they react.  It’s times like this that I need to be grounded in the Word, the Faith, and strong in my walk with Christ.  So my reaction can be acceptable in His sight.

That’s my prayer. That I learn this metaphorical heimlich manuever.

Everything seems to be going well. I don’t have a lot to complain about. My relationship with Jesus is growing by the day. My baptism is in one week. The list goes on. Yet, I still feel like Mario. Let me explain

The first video game Mario appeared in was Donkey Kong. The idea of the game, was to climb ladders, and incline planes, to eventually rescue to princess. The obstacles included, rolling barrels to dodge, the farther up you get, the faster and closer together the barrels seem to roll. About a quarter of the way up, you can grab a hammer, smashing anything in your way, making you virtually unstoppable.

I have a confession, I don’t believe I have ever beaten the first level of that game. Probably, the only game that I can say that about. So, I have no clue what comes next. If anything.

That’s how I feel now. See, starting off it was easy. Just started going to church, and enjoying myself learning. And then I grabbed the first ladder, I was saved. It got a little more difficult after that, a few more barrels to jump, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Just when it started to get a little more difficult, I jumped up and grabbed that hammer. Nothing, and I mean nothing could stop me. I felt invincible.

To climb the next ladder, you have to put down the hammer. (which I think could be translated metaphorically about a hundred different ways the beginning of someone’s Christian faith.) Jumping more barrels, or questions, and getting them answered, I am approaching another ladder, this ladder, I suppose is my baptism. In the world of Donkey Kong, I think this is about as far as I have ever gotten, on the plane with Donkey Kong, but never rescued the princess, and it’s because of nervousness.

Now, if you’ve ever played any video game at all, you know, when you are almost done with a level, or about to score that touchdown with three seconds less, or fighting the final boss, you know the feeling I’m about to describe. The controller is sweaty, your heartbeat is rising rapidly, and for some reason, you seem more prone to mistakes.

I know, in my heart, that I am going to make it past the baptism, and further my relationship with Jesus. But, in Donkey Kong, I don’t know what’s next, nor do I in faith. It’s scary, my palms are sweaty, my heartbeat is rising rapidly. What if I am more prone to mistakes?

I guess that’s as far as the Donkey Kong metaphor can take me. And the questions in my heart never seize. A struggle that you don’t know any answers to, is probably the most difficult to overcome. I know I will overcome this fear, or, uneasiness.

I just wish I knew what the next level was.

Is that for me to decide? No. I’ll leave this one up to God, do what he says, and I know I’ll be fine. I bet, that’s something Mario never thought of.

Man. God is Good!

I know some of you skip right over videos in your reader.  Or view it just as much as a blank post.  But, if you can watch one video today, watch this.  Please.  Then, go see the movie.

You will be getting another post about Call and Response when get time to write about it. This movie changed me.

So.  I’m working on a lot of great things lately.  I feel a little overwhelmed at work, and after work, I have so much going on, that I haven’t had much time around here.

I can say, God is working in a million ways in my life alone.  I have a million things to be grateful for.  I have a million eye openers each day.  Let me tell you.  God will open your eyes.  Whew.

Anyway.  I want to sit down, read a couple of chapters from “The Book”, and write about what it speaks to me.  I also want to write in a real journal, sometimes that’s refreshing.  Of course, that will all end up here.  So don’t leave me!

I will also be going to see “Call and Response”. This movie needs viewers!  Take anyone and everyone you know.  All of the proceeds go to stop child sex slavery/trafficking.  You might not know, Atlanta is the number 1 city in America, and number 13 in the World, for Child sex slavery.  **Barf!**  We need to bring awareness, prayer, and support to causes like this.

Until then, be in prayer for prayer requests on this blog, and all around the world.  We need to let our light shine now more than ever!  Don’t just sit there.  Do Something.