Before I start first let me point you to 1 Samuel 16:7

“The Lord does not look at the things human beings look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the Heart.”

Here we are back at the heart. Probably the first thing people forget about. It’s sad really, now with our culture, or “pop-culture” people are more concerned about their image.

Everyone wants to make an image for themselves. Some people want to be the emo, some the goth, some the football star, the debater, the theif or even the person who didn’t care what anyone thought of them (but really cared more). I was the same way. I wanted to be the grunge kid. I couldn’t just take on the look, I had to take the attitude, and the actions with it. I don’t miss those days. I wish I could accurately relay the feelings I had, the cutting, the crying at night, but then going to school, and making everyone laugh. It was tough. Life was tough. Why do kids do it to themselves?

You do not have to have an image. You do not have to wear name brands, or shirts that imply you drink or smoke pot to be cool! You do not have to drink or smoke pot to be cool! In fact, if you drink or smoke pot, you aren’t cool. You are just beginning your path of non-success and low self-esteem. Trust me. I’ve been there.

I thought I was cool when I could out drink everyone at the party when I was 15. I thought I was cool because I moved to Atlanta and knew all of the bar owners, and I even thought I was cool because I had done more drugs than anyone I have ever met. Guess what. I wasn’t. I took a step back. I heard what people were saying about me. Turns out, I was just one of those people at the bar, that I hated when my dad would take me there as a child.

So why are we so focused on what we look like or how people portray us? And, why is it that we almost always want people to portray us the wrong way. “I want people to think I’m a junkie-alcoholic that doesn’t care about anything.” I mean, that’s what I was practically saying in high school.

What are you saying? The way you dress? The things you say? The drugs you do? The parties you go to? The people you make fun of? What are you saying about yourself? Does it make you proud? Are you happy to be the stoner, gossiper, loose girl, or untamable guy? Is that the influence you want to set for younger children who may see you? Is that what you wanted to be when you were a child? Is that how you want to be remembered? Really? Where is your self-respect?

Look in the mirror, and stare at yourself in the eyes. Can you do it? I know I never could. If you can’t, evaluate yourself. Why can’t you stand to stare yourself in the eyes. What are you ashamed of, and what can you do to fix it?

Maybe this is a little too harsh but I don’t care. You are already an image. Some people may have respected you at some point, some people may still. Don’t let them down. Don’t let yourself down. Take a step back, stop caring about your false-image and be real. Be honest. Be what makes you proud. Be yourself.

So.

There are now, officially 8 days until I am a married man.  I have to say, I’ve been as cool as a button so far.

Two days ago it happened.  I got scared.  I didn’t just get scared either.  I still am.  I am scared to death.  Not in the way you might think.  I know I am making the right decision.  I know that Andrea is the only girl for me.  I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt.  But, I am still scared.  I think I am scared about the wedding, and the vows, and all of that.

I mean.  The wedding is a big deal.  There will be a lot of people there, and what if I say something stupid?  What if I left some fundamental part out of my vows?  What if?  What if?  I could go all day.

So.  There.  I’m scared.  No longer am I ‘cool as a button’.  I am a nervous wreck.  Which probably won’t make anything better.  If you want to pray for me.  That would be friggin sweet.

Thanks.

Psalm 19:14

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

That is something that that I haven’t focused on much lately.  It’s no secret that I have a temper.  I think we all do to an extent.  I have been fairly good at just dealing with it, and not letting my temper get the best of me.  As of late, that’s not the case.

I am not good with stress.  There was a time that I was.  Not anymore though.  Now, stressful situations, or situations I perceive as stressful, really back me into a corner.  I don’t know how to react, and in turn, I end up taking it out on the person closest to me.  It’s sickening to step back and look at.

I don’t feel like I have done too much to help get ready for this wedding.  I don’t feel like I know enough about what is going on.  I feel like I am just lazy when it comes to the stuff that is going on.  For those of you who read this blog and have never planned a wedding, let me tell you.  It’s not easy.  That is probably the root of my temper lately.  Just not knowing what is going on.  I’m not a person who deals well with not knowing, and I deal even worse with feeling completely invald in a situation.  I feel like I’m standing over a man who is choking, and I don’t know the heimlich maneuver.  You know, the panicky feeling.  Yeah.  That describes the feeling.

I let it slip my mind that even in stressful situations, my words and my heart have to be “acceptable in Thy site.”  People don’t always get the benefit to take a situation and pray about it before they react.  It’s times like this that I need to be grounded in the Word, the Faith, and strong in my walk with Christ.  So my reaction can be acceptable in His sight.

That’s my prayer. That I learn this metaphorical heimlich manuever.

Everything seems to be going well. I don’t have a lot to complain about. My relationship with Jesus is growing by the day. My baptism is in one week. The list goes on. Yet, I still feel like Mario. Let me explain

The first video game Mario appeared in was Donkey Kong. The idea of the game, was to climb ladders, and incline planes, to eventually rescue to princess. The obstacles included, rolling barrels to dodge, the farther up you get, the faster and closer together the barrels seem to roll. About a quarter of the way up, you can grab a hammer, smashing anything in your way, making you virtually unstoppable.

I have a confession, I don’t believe I have ever beaten the first level of that game. Probably, the only game that I can say that about. So, I have no clue what comes next. If anything.

That’s how I feel now. See, starting off it was easy. Just started going to church, and enjoying myself learning. And then I grabbed the first ladder, I was saved. It got a little more difficult after that, a few more barrels to jump, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Just when it started to get a little more difficult, I jumped up and grabbed that hammer. Nothing, and I mean nothing could stop me. I felt invincible.

To climb the next ladder, you have to put down the hammer. (which I think could be translated metaphorically about a hundred different ways the beginning of someone’s Christian faith.) Jumping more barrels, or questions, and getting them answered, I am approaching another ladder, this ladder, I suppose is my baptism. In the world of Donkey Kong, I think this is about as far as I have ever gotten, on the plane with Donkey Kong, but never rescued the princess, and it’s because of nervousness.

Now, if you’ve ever played any video game at all, you know, when you are almost done with a level, or about to score that touchdown with three seconds less, or fighting the final boss, you know the feeling I’m about to describe. The controller is sweaty, your heartbeat is rising rapidly, and for some reason, you seem more prone to mistakes.

I know, in my heart, that I am going to make it past the baptism, and further my relationship with Jesus. But, in Donkey Kong, I don’t know what’s next, nor do I in faith. It’s scary, my palms are sweaty, my heartbeat is rising rapidly. What if I am more prone to mistakes?

I guess that’s as far as the Donkey Kong metaphor can take me. And the questions in my heart never seize. A struggle that you don’t know any answers to, is probably the most difficult to overcome. I know I will overcome this fear, or, uneasiness.

I just wish I knew what the next level was.

Is that for me to decide? No. I’ll leave this one up to God, do what he says, and I know I’ll be fine. I bet, that’s something Mario never thought of.

Man. God is Good!

I know some of you skip right over videos in your reader.  Or view it just as much as a blank post.  But, if you can watch one video today, watch this.  Please.  Then, go see the movie.

You will be getting another post about Call and Response when get time to write about it. This movie changed me.