I love problem solving.  I love it.  As a matter of fact, I like to think I’m really good at it.  So good, it’s probably annoying.  Like, I’m the guy that always wants to help you solve your problem.  Yah.  That’s me.  (More on that in another post.)

I’ve always liked solving problems.  I’ve always liked the challenge.   I haven’t always been awesome at it. (Though, I always thought I was.)

When my daughter started walking, she taught me a lesson, over and over again.

Let me tell you a story.   When she started walking, Gemma loved to wander.  If we took our eyes off of her she’d be gone.  Typically, she’d go into the bathroom, and she’d start playing with, and unraveling the toilet paper roll.  So, after carefully analyzing the situation,  I decided I had a solution.  I took the toilet paper roll off, turned it around, and reattached it.  That way, when she swats at it, it won’t unravel everywhere.  Genius!  Right?

Yah. Genius, until 8 seconds later, Gemma stared me in the eyes, and started swatting the toilet paper in the opposite direction.

See, I learned something that day – Before ‘solving’ a problem.  Think about if you’re really solving a problem.  Think about all the things that could happen with your solution.  Typically, your first solution is not the right solution.

How could this backfire?

How could my solution improve?

How is this just a duct-tape fix?

It’s true.  If you know me at all, you probably know I have a tendency to fly off the handle.  I am pretty quick to anger, and slow to calm down.   If you could believe it, I used to be worse.  I was quicker to anger and, once I was angry, it was more of a rage.  While I’m still working on it, I’ve learned that life is too short to be angry.

Being angry does something to your heart.  You can’t deny it.  When you’re angry, it’s hard to say things like, “Sorry..” or, “I Love You..” or, “I was wrong..”.  When you’re angry, it makes it easier to say cruel things.  It makes it easier to destroy trust.  It makes it easier to destroy relationships.  It makes it easier to hurt people you love.  Sometimes that can be undone, but you still leave a bad taste in someone’s mouth.

You can read 100 things on how not to anger, but the truth is, it has to be something inside of you.  There has to be a motivation in your heart and a decision in your brain.  Something that says, “It’s not worth it.”  I’m still working on it, every day, I’m working on it.  But I’ve gotten better and I can say, the moments when I feel like I’ve avoided anger are some of the best moments of my life.  I feel like, not only have I avoided anger, I’ve avoided hurting someone I love, I’ve avoided losing trust, I’ve avoided pain.

An old Chinese proverb says, “If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.”  5 years ago, I wouldn’t even know what that means, but today, it resonates deep in my soul.

In life, generally speaking, there is always an opportunity to learn.  I’ve lived a life of learning the hard way.  I’ve never taken the easy road, but I’ve finally gotten somewhere.  By the grace of God.  I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, on what I’ve learned in life so far, and I thought I’d hash out a bullet list.  From that bullet list, I plan on writing a post about each one.  We’ll see how it goes.

1. Life’s Too Short to be Angry.
2. Marry Your Best Friend.
3. With Age Comes Wisdom.
4. Never Make Assumptions.
5. Your Parents are Right A Lot of the Time.
6. Vision is Only Half the Battle.
7. Never Give Up.
8. If You’re the Smartest Person in the Room, You’re in the Wrong Room.
9. Kindness and Hard Work Will Take you Farther than Intelligence.
10. Laugh.
11. Never Detour From Your Beliefs.
12. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone.
13. Don’t Lie, Don’t Cheat, Don’t Steal.
14. In Every Battle, Arm Yourself With Love.
15. Nothing is More Important Than Family.
16. Everyone is Going Through Something.
17. Forgive. Holding a Grudge is Only Hurting You.

These are the things I try to remember every day.  These are the things that I believe have shaped who I am today.  I plan on going in to detail on each one.  What are somethings I’ve missed?

I wrote this blog a while back on an old blog site.  I haven’t posted there in forever, and recently I received a comment on this blog.  I don’t think I’ve reposted it before.  Here is the comment I received. It touched me… I actually touched someone.  Wow.

You don’t know me, but I found your blog due to the picture you posted of “Forgiveness”. I was looking for my own picture of forgiveness due to a currant situation I am having with my own family at the moment.

What you wrote here makes PERFECT sense!! ~_~ Thankyou because what you wrote there at the end…about not being so mad and just letting go….it’s what I needed to hear/read! Thankyou!!! I have a very important beginning to the problem that has been plagueing me and no one had an answer for yet.

~akb.
(just me…)

In this world, I am probably not known as the calmest person, probably not even as the most understanding person. I would say though, that with enough time, I can forgive anyone, of anything. I cannot even get into some of the situations in which I have forgiven. But, some might say it’s too much. I was thinking about myself, where I stand as this new year rolls in. What are my main struggles? Is there anyone I haven’t forgiven? Is there anyone I haven’t talked to about why I’m upset?

I thought about it and prayed about it and thought about it some more. I can’t think of anyone I have not forgiven. Well….. I can think of one person…. Myself. There are a lot of things that have hurt me in my life. Even a lot this last year. I can still look back and say, “If I had done this differently…” or “I shouldn’t have said that.” I haven’t forgiven myself. I sit here, thinking about how my whole life, I have been so content with blaming myself. That if I took all the blame it would make everything better. Mom wouldn’t be as mad, or my girlfriend would be happy knowing that it was all my fault, and not hers. My friends would be glad to hear that I took the blame and they were off the hook. I never needed my own forgiveness.

I don’t know if that is entirely true. I mean, I know that God forgives, yadda yadda, but I’ve always wondered. People often say, no one can love you if you don’t love yourself. Is it the same with forgiveness? Does that include God? Meaning, God can’t forgive me until I forgive myself? Don’t get me wrong. I am not questioning God’s love, or forgiveness. I guess what I am asking is, is it really love or forgiveness if there isn’t an end willing to accept it? Have I been really blocking the fullness of God’s love and forgiveness because of my discontent with myself?

I don’t know if that makes sense or not, but it does to me. I am saying this though. There is no reason for me to be so pissed off at myself, or anybody else for that matter. There is no reason for me to sit and dwell on things I could have done differently or should not have done. I don’t have the time for that. I guess the thing is, I’m not perfect, but I don’t think anyone in this world is. I have made mistakes, and some might say worse mistakes than others. I don’t know. I don’t think it matters. What makes someone who they are is who they love and what they forgive. Which I guess that makes me a pretty awesome person. I don’t fall into all of that “New Years Resolutions” jabber. But I can say, this year, I am not going to hold grudges against anyone who trespasses against me, not even myself. Andy, I forgive me.