Working Through The Muck

My prayer has been simple.

Lord,  Remove my pain.  Take away the hurt.  Fix my past.

I’m starting to realize that my past is what makes me me.  The pain, the hurt, the drama, the crazy, it all happened.  There is no undoing it.  There is no ‘fixing it’.  I think, as  I work through this junk, everything I hear and read is pointing me towards realizing that God won’t fix this.  He will use it, transform it, make it a tool, but he will not fix it.

What does that mean for me?  Well, it means that I have to always focus on my spirituality.  I have to grow spiritually, so my past can be transformed into a tool Jesus can use.  I need to make, as Dan Garrett said yesterday in church, my actions match my beliefs.  I have to ask for help, because I cannot do this alone.  I’ve tried for too long.

The fact is we all have muck.  We all have things we wish didn’t happen, or we feel made us have that complex.  The fact is, I’ve bought in to this worldly phrase, “Time heals all wounds.”  Not  true.  Jesus can take care of it, but I have to get my head right.  I have to get my heart right.  I have to get my spirituality right.  I have to work through the muck.

I feel like I’m well on my way, but I’ve become aware that this is not a 1 week fix.  It’s not something I work at for a couple of days, and voila, everything is better.  That’s just not how it works!  This is more than a quick fix, a brief prayer, or admitting my issues.

This is a life style change.  This is discipline.  This is growing of spiritual health.  This is finding Jesus, and loving him like his disciples did.  Being in Jesus, so much that my worldly tendencies are defeated.  I need to focus on the present, plan for the future, but not ignore the past.  I need to walk the walk.

1 John 2:3-6
³We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. ⁴The man who says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. ⁵But if anyone obeys his word, God’s love^[a] is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him:⁶Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.