Thoughts of a Dad and a Husband.

5 days a week I leave the house at 6 or 6:30.  I get home around… 6 or 6:30.  Gemma goes to bed around 9:00 or 9:30.  That means, at best, during the week, I get 3 hours a day with my daughter.

I’m exhausted most of the time. (As I am perfectly aware that most new parents are)  at night, sometimes I have a choice, I could go to bed early, and feel rested the next day.  I don’t.  Not because I don’t want to.  I want to.

But.

I want to talk to my wife.  I want to see how she is. I want to give her adult time.  I want her to know that I still love her as much as I did the day I met her. (Actually more) I want to be a husband that cares, and shows it.

On the weekends, I could try to sleep in, and ask Mommy for this one morning to sleep.  I don’t.  Not because I don’t want to.  I want to.

But.

I want to see her wake up.  I want to see her smile.  I want to see what she’s learned.  I want to see her grow.  I want to lay on the ground next to her, and watch her figure out the little things.. her feet, her hands, the toy next to her.  I want to stare at her.. I want Mommy to have just a couple of hours to relax, or sleep.

So.. what am I saying.

Being a dad is hard.  Being a husband is hard.  There are things you want, and things you want more.  It’s a constant struggle, and my temper probably shows it.  I want to be the best, and I know I fall very short of that mark.  But, every morning when I wake up and I look to my left, and I see the two most beautiful girls in the world.. it gives me one more reason to get up, and bust my ass as hard as I can to reach that mark.  Even with the knowledge that I will fail.  It’s the best failure I could ever have asked for.

Thank you God for these girls in my life.