My wife knows better than anyone.  I can be the nicest person in the world.  I can also be the meanest, pitbull-esque person on earth.  It’s easy to be negative.  I think that’s why it’s so easy for me to slip back to that place.  It’s easy for me to get mad, hold grudges, stay angry, pick on people.

It’s hard for me to admit that I hold them.  It’s hard for me to confess the plank in my eye.  It’s hard for me to say things like, “you’re right.” or “I’m sorry.” 

I struggle with it daily.  But, I am making the effort to say those things.  I am making an effort to apologize for things I’ve done wrong.  I am working on improving my temper, and in turn my relationships one at a time.

I do not want to sit here and make ‘goals for 2010′.  That’s not my bag.  I do want to say though, that life is a continuous effort, and my effort is going to be focusing on love.  Focusing on sharing that love with anyone I come in contact with.  My effort is to be the husband, father, friend, stranger that people look at and strive to be like.  My effort is to be Love. 

Happy new years folks.  Don’t make resolutions.  Don’t make goals.  Be the change you want to see in others.

It’s no secret I have been struggling with my weight lately.  But, that’s actually not what I want to write about today. 

My whole life I’ve had issues.  Like, serious issues.  I had a sack full of things that I had drank myself past.  Things I had never dealt with.  Things that, when they happened, I simply made jokes about them, and buried them in the back of my naive little mind. 

a little over two years ago Andrea decided we needed a ‘break’.  I had started drinking again.  I was turning in to a jackass, and Andrea knew where that was taking me.  When she broke up with me, I continued drinking.  One thing she kept telling me was I had issues I needed to work on.  I didn’t want to focus on that.  I wanted to focus on why she didn’t love me, blah blah blah.  I was a broken, broken man.

When I stopped drinking, still single, I decided I needed to go on a journey.  Not a physical journey, but an emotional one.  I started praying heavily for God to lift my weight.  I started praying for God to work me through my pain.  For God to lift:

• The death of my sister (and the last things I said to her.)
• The death of my mom (and the last things I said to her.)
• The death of my best friend (and the fact that I didn’t feel I was a good friend)
• The death of numorous other friends
• The pain of a molestation
• The pain of an abusive childhood
• The pain of being addicted
• The pain of not forgiving myself

This stuff was really weighing me down.  Somedays it physically hurt to get out of bed.  Every night, I would lay in bed, crying, praying, hurting, alone.  On top of this, fighting the urge to not go get a beer.  For weeks I did this.  (On top of the years I had been hurting)

One night, I had a dream.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I don’t know where I was but, my mom, my sister, and Matthew were all there.  Each of them took about 1 minute to talk to me.  They each spoke directly to my pain.

“Let it go man, you were a great friend.  You were there for me when no one else was, I love you man.  It’s not your fault. You need to forgive yourself Andy. You’re a great person, a great friend.”

“I know you love me.  I’ve known that since the day you were born.  We had a rough history, but I’m your mother.  I love you. I love you. I miss you.”

“Hey, We’re siblings, we fight.  Who would have known that I was going to die that day.  I love you. It’s not your fault.”

Either I didn’t have any time to ask them questions or I couldn’t think of any. It ended just as fast as it began. 

I woke up.  I woke up happy.  I woke up lighter.

That was the day I realized I could love again.  That was the day I started to grasp a love I was never able to grasp.  That was the day Jesus revealed himself to me.  That was the day I knew, no matter what happens in this world, I can see myself past it. 

That was the day I forgave myself. That was the day I learned to love myself.

That was the day I believe Jesus came down, and personally lifted all of that weight off of my shoulders so I could live my life and love to the fullest.

The rumor mill is running overtime.  There’s talk of a guy named Tiger Woods.  Perhaps you’ve heard the stories.  The ‘rumor’ is he’s been having affairs with, well, just about everyone.  I’m pretty sure Cleopatra just came forward from the dead.

People keep saying, “Is this our business?”  I have two answers for that.  Yes and no.  It’s that easy.  Is it fair that the entire world is obsessed with what you’re doing?  No.  Did you mind it when you were the first black man to win the Masters?  No.

“But he didn’t choose to be a role model! America forced this on him!”

I beg to differ.  I bet Rolex, Gatorade, Nike, AT&T, Accenture, American Express, General Mills and Gillette beg to differ too.

The man’s made billions of dollars to be a ‘Role Model’. Sure, his athletic ability made him marketable, but the fact that he was a likable person that people could look up to and aspire to be is what signed his check.  I guarantee it.

The last thing I want to say about this is:

Forgiveness.  This man is forgiven.  I want you all to remember that.  God has already forgotten it.  I assume that’s why God doesn’t work for the paparazzi.  It’s over.  It’s done with.  Forgiven. My prayer is that the people can do the same thing.  Pray for Tiger.  Pray for his family.  Pray for his children.  Pray that he is confronted by God so heavily that he falls on his face.  Not in a bad way, in a good way.  Pray that he falls on his face in repentance.  Pray that he is forever changed by Jesus Christ!  I was. You were.  He will be too!

Pray for these girls that he’s been sleeping with.  Ranging from actresses, to porn stars to servers, they all need your prayers as well.

We are all dirty, no good, flat on our face worthless sinners.  Jesus was beaten, bloodied, spit on, mocked, denied and killed because he knew that we would screw up.  Because he knew Tiger would do this.  He knew we would all be this foolish.  He knew we wouldn’t want to pray for Tiger, and he knew that you would do that thing you did. Just remember he’s human as well.

Thoughts?

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Personal and Family Information:
Zurisaday lives with her father and her mother. Her duties at home include running errands and cleaning. There are 3 children in the family. Her father is employed as a church worker and her mother maintains the home.

Zurisaday is not attending school because she is too young. Singing, playing house and playing with dolls are her favorite activities. She also attends Bible class regularly.

Because of your sponsorship, Zurisaday will have new opportunities to learn and grow physically, mentally, and spiritually. Thank you for your concern and prayers.