Lord Give Me The Words

August 5, 2009 in addiction with 2 Comments

I’ve been almost forced in to thinking about addiction again lately.  It hasn’t been pretty, but I think I’ve realized a lot.  Andrea asked me a few weeks ago if I missed the old days.  I told her no.  I said there were still times when I think about them, and… Not crave anything, but I think about it.  I do miss smoking.  It’s a thorn in my side.  It bothers me.  Andrea said that God could remove that from me, and I believe he can. But.

I don’t think he will.  I found recently that I’ve lost patience for addicts.  I have the, “I did it, (quit) why can’t they?” mentality.  I get annoyed, and almost don’t even want to be there for people.  I believe that God gives me this thorn, to remind me.  To keep me on my toes.  Not to weaken me, but to make me stronger.

All of my friends are addicts, and I’d say most of them still use to this day.  When I see them, it breaks my heart.  But, my mind is saying, “Screw them, they’re idiots.  blah blah blah.”  That’s just how I am.  I think I disassociate, so when the inevitable happens, I won’t be too disappointed.  But, the truth is, I will.   I don’t want it to happen.

I don’t even know what to pray anymore for myself, or my friends.  I think I’ll always miss smoking, for reasons mentioned above.  I don’t know what to pray for my friends.  I pray they don’t die.  But I have a feeling some of them are going to have to (again) to get the point.

It’s depressing.  What do you pray when you don’t know what to pray?

  • http://shawnw.org Shawn

    Romans 8:26 -

    In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express

    That’s good news, dude. Just get on your knees, put your face to the ground and let the Spirit pray for you.

  • http://www.whatsthislifefor.org Toby

    Dear Lord,

    I don’t know and Andy doesn’t know what to pray for, but we know You do. You know exactly what we need. Today, I ask You for whatever that is, be it strength, compassion, a humble nature….I ask You bring those close to Andy, close to You, so they can struggle and pray together, knowing You will fill whatever is empty. I ask these things in Jesus Name! Amen.