Thoughts on a Job.
Pins and needles. It’s hard in these times to not constantly worry about my job. It’s hard to not think about what would happen if I were to lose my job. To top it all off, there is added stress at work now. On top of everything I already worry about, I have to worry about other stuff. Now. It has been pointed out to me that some of this added stuff was added by me. Which may or may not be true. But who wants to get into legistics.
Last night, when I was trying to fall asleep, with an empty sinking feeling in my stomach, a marathon runner in my head, and an off-beat drummer as my heart, I had to pray. I had to thank God for stuff. But moreso, I had to ask Him why. Why is everything so stressful? Why does my job get to me and affect my mood at home? Why does it feel like SO MUCH is ripping at the seams when Andrea and I try so hard. Why. It’s a simple question. right?
Well, here’s what I got. My job does not define me. I let it. I let it control my mind, my mood and my sleep habits. I let the stresses of the IRS control the shortness. I let little comments control the runner in my head. I can sit here all day long and type about how giving it to God is what I do, blah blah blah. Here’s the thing. I can’t give it all to God. It’s nearly impossible. There are certain things I have to handle.
What I have to learn how to do, is handle this stuff with the finess of Jesus Christ. I have to remember that while I am handling things, God is there. No matter how hard I try, sometimes my life gets seperated from the stuff I do, and the stuff I pray for God to do.
I am probably wording this a little off. I have started reading ‘Ragamuffin Gospel’. I highlighted a few quotes that I am trying to remember in my day to day life.
‘Never confuse your perception of yourself with the mystery that you really are accepted.’
‘To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark.’
I also want to point out. My life is NOT horrible.. and in a lot of ways I am the luckiest man alive. I just wanted to be real with some of my struggle. Some of my life. so.. chew on those quotes, I’ll probably write about them later. 
