How Many

January 15, 2009 in Prayer/Faith with 2 Comments

How many ways can I say I love God?  Probably a million.  I’m pretty good at it I think.

Yesterday I was on the phone with Washington Mutual. (Don’t bank there)  I asked the guy, “So, you’re willing to lose a customer over this?”  and he said, “I don’t believe that i communicated that to you.” I quickly replied with, “There is more than one way to communicate, you’re using two, words and actions and your actions tell me that you don’t care and you are willing to lose a customer.”

Weird that it took me 2 hours on the phone with a bank to admit that outloud.  I like to hide behind words proclaiming that I love Jesus.  My actions don’t always say that.  Certainly not when I’m having a bad day.  Certainly not when I’m yelling on the phone with a kid.. er… callroom manager at the bank.  Take away 170 dollars of my hard earned money, and BOOM.  My actions are not communicating the Love of Christ at all.  It’s scary.  How can I be so fast to disarm my love and fly off the handle?

I even do it to my wife. (gasp)  Sometimes, I get frustrated at a situation, and instead of the text book answer, “God will handle this, let’s pray.” It goes into a bunch of words that are probably best not rewritten.  I apologize, and I mean it, but I cannot undo my words or my actions. Whether it’s the profanity that seems to flow like a river out of my mouth when I’m upset, or the door I shut too hard.  It’s anger.  Anger.  Man.. I have some stuff to pray through.. You can pray with me, er… for me if you feel it.

I have actions I want to get rid of, I have words that I want to dispose.  I have anger that I want to evacuate from my soul.  That requires a complete surrender.  A funeral if you will, a death to self.  Can you pray that I die to my body?  (But, PLEASE be careful how you word that.)

I could go on and on about actions but I’m not going to.  I’m going to end this now and really think about what I wrote.

  • http://shawnw.org shawnw

    I feel you, dude. Know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Our heart longs to be that humble servant but our actions and words betray our heart. Keep praying for release from your bonds. Keep praying for my release from my bonds. It's funny; these are bonds we put on ourselves. We shackle ourselves to our brokeness. Where's the stinkin' key???

  • http://shawnw.org shawnw

    I feel you, dude. Know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Our heart longs to be that humble servant but our actions and words betray our heart. Keep praying for release from your bonds. Keep praying for my release from my bonds. It's funny; these are bonds we put on ourselves. We shackle ourselves to our brokeness. Where's the stinkin' key???