I’m not one to brag, or speak highly of myself… basically because I’m far too awesome to do that.  Seriously.

Lately I feel like I am the most blessed person alive.  I have a job and it’s decent enough.  I don’t dread it most days.  I have an apartment, and some of the latest gadgets. (not that that shows blessings.)  My health is not bad aside from the occasional cold.  Oh, and by the way. HAVE YOU SEEN MY WIFE?  So many people poured their blessings and gifts onto us at our wedding.  Everything seems to be going friggin awesome!

As part of my life, I realize that there are ups and downs.  For the earlier part of my life I knew to expect the downs, so with all of this good there is only one thing I can think of.  Why?  Why is this so good.  Part of me is so paranoid it’s almost impossible to enjoy the good sometimes.  I feel like there is something waiting around the corner to pop me in the face.  You know that feeling?

With my dad’s looming health, the economy where it is, and 100 things that could crumble around me, I can’t help but be a little cynical in this entire ordeal.  I am a weak weak person.  My strengths are only because of the mercy of God.  My weaknesses have made those strengths almost obsolete at times.

What do I do about this?  In my mind, I know the best thing to do is to keep making myself stronger.  Keep my faith high, and praise higher.  Also in my mind I know I screw up.  More than you probably.  So, I just wish there were a sure fire way to make sure I am strong enough when the time comes.  I’m stubborn, so if I can translate that into strength then I’m good.

My prayer every night is for God to prepare me for what is around the corner.  For God to give me strength, when the bad weather comes, to wait it out.  For me to be able to hold strong in his undying love, even when I don’t feel like I can hold strong anymore.

See, now it’s not just me I have to worry about.  I have a wife.  A wife I made very strong vows to, and vows I will keep forever.  If you want to keep these thoughts in your prayers, I wouldn’t mind at all.