In Awe of God

October 18, 2008 in Prayer/Faith with 3 Comments

Five years ago, my sister died in a crazy freak car accident.  Five years ago, my best friend overdosed at my house, on my couch.  Five years ago, I had just gotten out of Fulton County Jail, or Rice Street, not the nicest place in the world.  Three years ago my mother died.  This whole time I was fighting off addictions, jobs, bills, evictions, and everything in between.

Tonight, I stood in the kitchen of my apartment. (And andrea’s but for the impact of this blog, I’m calling it mine.)  We had her mother over for dinner.  It hit me.  God has rocked my world.  When I was in Rice Street, I toyed with the idea of becoming a Christian, but once I was free I was quick to stop asking God to move my heart.  I think it was too late.  The seed had been planted.

I have an apartment in my name.  I have a job that isn’t half bad. (Most of the time.)  I have a job that isn’t pouring drinks for alcoholics while their lives crumble around them. I have a beautiful, strong willed, huge hearted fiance, I DO NOT have a drug habit.  I have credit that is close to repaired, and creditors haven’t called me in quite some time.  I have a great life.  I don’t think I have ever said that with 100% conviction.

Can I just say:

God.  I LOVE YOU! You took me and shook me up.  You watched while I nearly destroyed my life, and when I was on my last string, (Or past my last string 4 times) You picked me up just enough for me to learn how to fly on my own.  God.  You have used every resource possible to teach me, and build me up.  You watched, I can only imagine in pain and sorrow, as I used every resouce I had to forget, and tear myself down.  You watched my heart stop, on 4 different occasions, and gave me another chance time and time again.  God.  You rock.  You more than rock.  You ARE my Rock!  WIthout You, I am only a screw up, with You, well. I’m still a screw up, but there is something more.  Something that keeps me going.  Something inside of me, that makes me stop a second sooner than I used to.  That 1 second is the difference.

Jesus God.  Wow.  I am awe struck by You.  I don’t know how to say it… or if it means much but, Thank You for loving me.  Thank You for teaching me, in all of my imperfections.  Thank You for being steadfast.  I LOVE YOU GOD!

AMEN

  • http://www.whatsthislifefor.org Toby

    Ya don’t know if it means much? I don’t wanna speak for God, but I’m thinking it means a ton. It also means a lot to those of us who are blessed to read this blog. I’m impressed by the actions that have brought you to where you are and offer my sincere congratulations on where you’re going.
    With Him brother, the bad has a purpose and the good is much, much better!!

    Toby´s last blog post..Jared Aint Got Nuthin On Me

  • http://stevohunton.blogspot.com stephen

    thanks for this. random reader passing by way of ragamuffinsoul.com. I needed to read your letter today. Thanks!

    stephen´s last blog post..Jennifer Niven

  • http://www.crucialencounter.com Andy McMahon

    Thanks man! I’m glad you enjoyed. come back by!