Does it work?

Ok. So apparently, I have to use it for a certain amount of time.  I know I’m not too enthused, but it’s because I’m at work, and people will start wondering why I’m talking to myself.. (again!) What an awesome tool. {seesmic_video:{“url_thumbnail”:{“value”:”http://t.seesmic.com/thumbnail/JgF3VmX6DF_th1.jpg”}”title”:{“value”:”Seesmic…  ”}”videoUri”:{“value”:”http://www.seesmic.com/video/5gX8rb69ES”}}}

When I sat down to write about different kinds of addictions, I thought that I would be able to.  I honestly thought I would have enough to say, and know enough about it.  Now, it’s time for me to get real.  There are a million and one reasons someone will use drugs.  My mother got addicted, because while she was asleep, her boyfriend, (My “Bio-Dad”) shot crank into her arm.  That is how she got addicted.  That sucks.  I got addicted, just by using it.  I have friends that used recreationally for years before it got the best of them.

I think the amount of people I know who used or use drugs is what is making this so difficult to write.  So, one blog into this “series”, I’m stopping.  Why?  I don’t have all of the answers.  Here’s the real.  If you are addicted to anything,  Sex, drugs, alcohol, the internet, porn, chocolate, coffee, affection, attention, twitter, shopping, or microwavable dinners, you have a problem.  I was going to try and analyze it, and pull each one apart, but the truth is, there is a separation.  You want to be separated from the world, because it, or something in it, has hurt you so badly.  I know that hurt.  I have experienced that hurt.  I have (pretty much) overcome that hurt.

How?

There is a beautiful grace in the love and heart of Jesus Christ.  Sound corny?  I used to think so too.  I was also addicted to refusing to believe there was a higher power.  Until I finally hit rock bottom.  I woke up, a sheriff hovering over my bed, I still had stab wounds that had not yet stopped bleeding, and I was being evicted.  I got to work that day, and I lost my job.  That night, (January 14^th 2006), I slept in the woods for most of the night and then a gas station bathroom with a beanie hat I had just stolen from the gas station to get warm.  That is when I decided to turn around, and look at my life.  It wasn’t long after that when I finally allowed Jesus into my heart.  That is when my life, though still sometimes difficult to deal with, became whole.  That is when I was finally not alone anymore.

If you have an addiction, no matter how small you think it is, I urge you to get help.  If you don’t know where to go, E-mail me, comment here, find someone else to talk to.  I don’t want you to hit rock bottom.  Because for some people, rock bottom is dead.  I don’t want you to hit rock bottom, because that is the darkest, coldest, loneliest place in this world. I don’t want you to go through anything I went through.  or worse.  I might not know you, but I can promise I do not wish those lonely days on anyone.  Please consider looking into help.  Google it, Yellow Page it, talk to anyone who might have some answers.

I care about this world.  I care about the people of this world.  That includes you.  No one is any better than anyone else, and YOU deserve a second chance at life.  But, to get it, you have to go get it.

That’s all I have for ramblings today.  If you want to add to this, please let me know.  Also, definitely comment!!

Probably the most talked about addiction that plagues the world today is Alcohol.  This is something I struggled with for YEARS. (Some days, I still do) One day I will tell some stories, but for right now, I want to talk about the addiction side of it.  Alcohol is an addiction that can alter every aspect of some one’s life.  It did mine.

For me, it was challenging, because I didn’t ever fully realize I had a problem.  All of my friends did it, and they seemed to handle it well.  Even when I was waking up, not knowing what happened the night before, I thought that was why people drank.  To forget.  Heck.  I even woke up once in a hospital without a tongue, and still refused to acknowledge that I had a problem.

I have realized now, that I was escaping a lot.  In my life, when something went wrong, it didn’t really matter as long as I was drunk.  A disconnection from myself, my problems, and my shortcomings was probably my number one motive. Alcohol made me feel not like myself.  Because there was SO MUCH wrong with my core! I did not know what to do to fix myself, so I numbed me. I drank myself into a dark, dark corner.

For me, my personality was drinking.  That is what defined me.  That’s boring to me.  That is not who I am, and I was totally selling myself short.  Everyday of my life, I remind myself that I am worth more than that.  Way more than that. You are too.  Your friends are too.  There is SO MUCH more to life!

If you feel like you have a problem, there is something called the CAGE questionnaire, you can answer to get a better idea.  It’s 4 questions.  Answer honestly, it’s not 100% accurate, but it will help you think about it.

• Have you ever felt you needed to cut down on your drinking?
• Have people annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?
• Have you ever felt guilty about drinking?
• Have you ever felt you needed a drink first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover?

Overcoming alcohol addiction, or alcoholism is not easy.  But fortunately there are TONS of different resources, some free, so if you or someone you know are looking for help, you don’t need to go far.  In just about every community there is something.  My number one suggestion is finding people who do care, and love you, and will hold you accountable.

Whether it’s you, or someone you know.  Whether you know you have a problem, think you have a problem, or just want to learn, the links below will help you in your journey.

Here is a website that will allow you to give yourself a test online, without having to talk to anyone.  So you can answer honestly, without feeling you are being judged, and without having to face anybody besides yourself.

Alcoholics Anonymous – You knew it was coming.  AA has the highest failure rate of any organization in the nation.  It also has the highest number of success stories.  It’s free, a support group, people who are in the same boat as you.  Maybe worse.  You never know.  On this site you can find meetings and times near you.

Celebrate Recovery is a faith based organization similar to AA.  The link above will help you find a meeting place near you.  It is also free. (And a lot of places have free dinner)

FreeVibe – Sometimes you don’t know what to do.. Sometimes you just have questions.  Maybe it’s 2:00 am.  Here is a website, with a 24/7 hotline, and a lot of useful links.

I would like to say, I am not a professional.  I am just experienced in being an addict.  Please, for your sake, research, talk to someone, find somewhere to go.  Message me.  I can find something for you.  I can find someone for you to talk to.  Please, leave me a comment, something.  Just ask.  It’s all you have to do.

lately the word addiction has sprouted up in conversation, my heart, and my reading about six million times. Or somewhere around there.

So. Let me tell you a little about myself.  I am an addict.  In the worst way, I am an addict.  I could take the detour and blame it on my mother, or my father for running out.  But, I don’t.  I enjoyed using drugs, I enjoyed drinking, I enjoyed the lifestyle, the lack of responsibility, everything about it was fun for me.

I am not going to talk about my recovery right now, the tortures of withdrawals, the events leading up to it.  Nothing.  I am just going to say, that I currently weigh around 195 pounds.  In my “prime” I weighed about 90.  I am not going to tell you the gory details right now.  I am only going to tell you that it does have a happy ending.

I want you to know, whoever you are, I understand.  I have been there.  I know what it’s like.  I have friends that are addicts, (Currently and recovering)  I know the pain of dealing with both sides.  Being the addict, and trying to have friends that are addicts.

Over the next week or two, or three if it takes that long, I am going to be talking about addictions of ALL KINDS. I am going to not only talk about them, with my opinions, my ideas for recovery, and what others have done to recover, I am also going to post links that will help.  I am going to scour the Internet, the phone book, anything I can to provide you with stuff that can help.  If you know an addict, read.  If you are an addict and you want a way out, read.  I am going to try my best to provide any and all sites, opinions, options, and guidance that I can.

When I feel I have covered all of the kinds of addictions I can think of, I will finish my story.  I will tell you what I did to get help.  I will tell you where God was during my absence.  I will try and tell you that it can be ok!  Please make sure to come back, I want to help.

If you have a great story of recovery please let me know.  I would love to share it here.  If you disagree with what I write, please tell me.  I love being wrong.  Almost as much as I love being right.

I look forward to this, and I hope God can speak to me, throough me, and comfort you.