I am the kind of person that likes to constantly be doing something.  Whether it is working on a project, teaching someone something or just sitting somewhere and tapping my foot.  It’s a moving compulsion.  I realize this especially when I am in the soundbooth at my church.  I realized today.  Even during the pastors message, I was pacing.  When there was prayer, I was pacing.  When nothing at all was happening.  I was pacing.  I was moving the entire service.  I am always moving, or thinking.

I wonder why that is?  I like to think I have a fairly good relationship with God.  But, then times like today, I realize, I move. I move. I move.

Several times over the last week, Psalm 46:10 has come up.

Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”

It’s come up while I was reading blogs, while I was cruising the internet.  Even in just regular conversation.  People have told me to just be still at work, and most people tell me I am a very high strung person.  Why is it that I am afraid to be still?  It’s weird.

I don’t have a solution.  I don’t even have an answer.  What do you struggle with? Is it something you knew you struggled with or did it just jump at you one day like this did me?   It’s so awesome how God works isn’t it?

So, I get to work this morning, and all hell has broken loose.  Seriously.  I’m thinking, ah,  this will take a few hours to work, as I timidly dial Microsoft up. (It’s free support when their updates crash you)  I knew it was going to be a task to get anything done, I had NO CLUE what I was getting into.

As 4:00 rolled around, I had to go.  I do have other stuff going on you know.  It’s insane.  At least 5.5 hours on the phone.  Arguing, losing my temper, cursing, everything I really try not to do.  I did.

When I got home again, I hopped back on our server, and fixed everything Microsoft did wrong to fix the initial problem.  Something about that doesn’t seem right, but, hey, it’s Microsoft, if I complain too much, there might be a sniper after me.  But I digress.  Long story short, everything is at least temporarily fixed.

After I finished all of this, I was thinking.  Why do I still have the urge to do all of these things?  Curse, Yell, argue?  I do honestly try to live everyday for God.  I guess what it comes down to is the dying daily thing.  I guess that is something I struggle with.  Dying daily, to me, sounds a lot like being humble.  Not exactly my strong suit.  Admitting I am weak?  That’s not my bag, baby!  I guess, there is nothing appealing about it at all.

I have to remind myself that I don’t get saved, and that’s it.  It takes work, like anything beautiful.  Why is it so easy to say, but so hard to live out in the moment?  When the real tests come, I fail.  Well, at least 50/50, but I’d wager more.  Why is it so hard to die?  Weird question?

What are your thoughts?  What do you have a hard time with?  Any advice?  I’m all ears.

Well, here it is.  Crucial Encounter.  What is a crucial encounter?  I believe everyone has one.  Whether you are a christian, muslim, atheist, or what.  It’s an encounter that changes you.  Forever.  I will go further into this later.  Right now, my new wonderful beautiful fiance wants to go get food.   I do too.

Feel free to subscribe and/or share a crucial encounter you had.